“911, What’s your emergency?” the operator said. This was my first time ever actually calling 911 in real life and it was quite surreal.
“Hi, My name is Megan Fizer. Um, this isn’t really an emergency per se but I seem to have gotten lost in Pine Grove Furnace State Park.”
After some silence the operator replies, “Well that does seem to be a problem ma’am. I’m going to forward you to the State Park Ranger’s line, ok?” I definitely never thought you could get forwarded by 911 but it turns out you can!
After a minute of waiting, a man answers the phone, “Hello, Megan? Sounds like you’re having some trouble in the park today.”
I chuckle nervously and word-vomit, “Well, I was walking on the Sunset Rocks Trail and following the blue marks on the trees like it told me too and then suddenly there wasn’t anymore marks but then I kept walking anyways because I thought I saw blue marks in the distance but it wasn’t and then I walked more and I ended up on the Appalachian trail.”
“I see. Well, the good news is that no matter which direction you walk on the trail you will end up on a road. One road is just much further than the other. If the ridge is behind you and you walk towards your right on the trail, you will be walking toward the closer road. When you get to the road, go right and it’ll take you back to where you came in. Call us back if you need more help.” He gave me the number and I headed down the Appalachian trail, hoping I was going the right way.
This day didn’t start out so complicated. It was a beautiful fall day and I didn’t have to work so there was no way I was going to let this day get away without an adventure. Now that I had a license and a car, even if it was an electric blue Oldsmobile Cutlass Sierra, I felt that sense of freedom that every 17 year old loves and every parent of a 17 year old driving teenager fears. It wasn’t like I was going far and I had a legitimate reason to go for a nice drive: I had a photography assignment that I HAD to get pictures for! I was going to get to develop these myself and I wanted to have the coolest pictures in the class. No pictures of York! I was going on a ROAD TRIP!
I grabbed my camera, a PB&J, a couple of water bottles, my dog Peaches and headed to Pine Grove Furnace State Park. Taking every back road available, windows down, music blaring like any proper 17 year old, I stopped along the way, taking my time and taking pictures with my 35mm film camera. Trust me, I felt SO cool. I had been to Pine Grove Furnace many times throughout my childhood but decided that THIS time I was going to a different part of the park I hadn’t been to before. After I pulled into the small parking area and checked out the State Park map, I quickly decided to take the Sunset Rocks trail because it had a scenic overlook. WIN! All I had to do is follow the blue marks on the tree. Easy enough, right?
Peaches was sniffing leaves and I was snapping pictures as we walked along the path, following the blue marks on the trees. Everything was wonderful until, suddenly, the blue marks stopped and a patch of trees was missing. I looked around but far in the distance I thought I saw a blue marking and to my left was a beautiful ridge so I decided to get off the path, walk over to the ridge, take in the view and continue to the blue marked tree in the distance. Upon getting to the ridge, it was time for our PB&J break! We enjoyed the scene, took some pictures and continued on our way. However, when I got to the blue marked tree, it turns out it wasn’t a blue marked tree at all. There was blue trash stuck to it. Trickery! I looked back and couldn’t see at all where I came from. When you’re in a forest, it’s very easy to lose track. I tried to retrace my steps and couldn’t find the trail I had come in on. I mean, how hard could it be to find a missing patch of trees! I started to panic a little and get mad at myself. I was a girl scout! YOU DON’T GO OFF PATH! I should have known better! I was still too stubborn and decided to keep walking. Soon, I saw a white marking on a tree… which I knew (yeah Girl Scouts!) that I had now managed to get myself on THE Appalachian trail! At least it was something but I had no idea which direction I was walking in on the trail and well, as we know, that trail goes on for a very very long time, ha! I had very dramatic visions in my head of being found in Maryland half eaten by wildcats. Finally realizing that I couldn’t get out of this mess without some help, I begrudgingly pulled out my old Nokia (with a pink tiger face plate) that, in a miracle moment, actually had signal and made the phone call to 911.
After the phone call, I started walking and did come to a road. I turned right as the ranger had told me but I still didn’t really know where the hell I was going or how long it would take to get back to my car. Peaches and I are walking down the road and we pass a house where an old couple is sitting on their porch. Peaches was a very friendly dog and immediately jumped up onto the porch to greet them as we walked by. I was embarrassed and pulled her down.
“Hello,” the man says to me laughing and bending down to pet Peaches.
“Hi”, I reply, feeling a little nervous.
“Were you guys hiking on the Appalachian today?” the old lady asks.
“Well, accidentally, yes I did happen to hike on the Appalachian trail today.”
“Accidentally? Are you lost?”
“Well, I think so, yes. Yes, I am lost. Do you know how to get back to the trail head of the Sunset Rocks trail?”
“Wow! That’s really far, especially trying to walk there on the road. We can take you back there.”
You guys, I seriously got into a car with two complete strangers who took me back to my car. It was a good little drive. I really had gone super far out of the way. It would have been way past dark before I had gotten back and we were definitely out of PB&J and water at this point. I thanked the old couple for helping a young girl and her dog (and silently for not killing me). I get back into my car thinking, wow, I probably could have gotten myself into serious trouble a few times on this trip and I thought about whether I would tell my parents or not. The best part of the story though is that, as I started driving home and my phone started ringing. It was a number I didn’t know so I didn’t answer… until it called again.
“Hello?” I ask into the phone.
“Hello, Meg? This is Forest Ranger (blah blah i don’t remember) and we’re trying to locate you.”
“Oh. Um, I am back in my car…” I say confused.
“Oh. Wow. Ok, we had a search party out looking for you! You could have called and said you made it back ok!”
“Um, sorry? I had no idea people were looking for me! The guy told me what to do and that’s what I did! I got back safe!” I explain.
“Great. Thanks.” *click*
Whoops.
——————————————————————————————————————
I’d been trying to search for how to express how I feel about becoming a mother when this story popped into my head. I’ve had a major shift in thinking over the last few weeks and I didn’t understand it at first but then as I really began to think about it, I understood why my mind brought this memory up.
Becoming a mom wasn’t a path I thought I was going to be on at this time in my life and the situation was definitely not something that I ever thought I’d be in. I thought my life was going in one direction, I went way off path, and then I ended up walking down an entirely different path. A scary one where I didn’t know where I was really going or what to expect. One that made me depend on others. One that brought me back to the beginning.
Every woman’s transition into motherhood is very similar in some ways, and very different in others. For me, it took time to “get the hang of it”. I guess I thought it’d be instantaneous… mostly because that’s what so many people lead you to believe. “Once you look at him, you’ll just be so in love, nothing else will matter.” I am a very maternal person who very much enjoys caring for others so I thought that it would be natural for me.
Only that’s not really the case. At least it wasn’t for me. Maybe it was the circumstances surrounding it and maybe it was my unrealistic expectations of how I’d just magically snap to it but either way, I feel like the first part of motherhood is more like what I imagine an arranged marriage must feel like. “Here, this is your person to love. HAVE FUN!” You have no idea who they are, what they’re like, what they like and don’t like, but they are now yours to love and must give your life to them. But then this person literally needs you to survive and also doesn’t allow you to sleep. GAH! I’ve joked that it’s like going to a Siberian torture camp.
The bottom line is that when you become a parent your world becomes less self-based and more other person-based. And it can be a hard adjustment, but once you fully submit to it (and get past that super tough torture stage) it really is a beautiful thing.
What I’ve realized is the my original path was taking me no where that was going to make me happy. This new path has been like a refining fire. It’s forced me to focus on what is truly important and who is truly important. It’s forced me to depend on others in the most wonderful of ways… in ways that I needed. I had this idea of success that I was chasing and this image of who I wanted to be. But I was getting further and further from who I really am inside. This idea of success and this image has taken time to deconstruct and it has been outright painful at times to let go of. It really hasn’t been until recently that I’ve been really able to fully embrace where I’m at. Becoming a mom, and truly embracing it, has changed who I want to be… and that’s a good thing. I’m still me and I am not going to lose my identity. I wouldn’t want to teach my son that. I want to live by example. But, I will always be a mom above all else. He’s the most important.
What I’m trying to express is that the happiness I feel with my son is better and different than any other happiness that I have experienced and was chasing. I can’t even explain in. I realize that I have made a lot of bad investments in people and things and ideas that could never give me a good “return”. Parenting and loving a child is the most worthy investment. There isn’t anything more valuable than that because it’s not just for you, it’s an investment into the world. It’s the most important job in humanity!
Jonah is the best part of my day. Watching him grow and develop is seriously amazing. He’s freaking hilarious. He’s so cool. And I get to be with him along his whole journey. I have the opportunity to give him love and help him uncover who the is. There’s no greater adventure. And one day I’ll get to take him to Pine Grove Furnace to go on a hike but also make sure he knows it is definitely never okay to get into cars with strangers 🙂
Leave a Reply