Sometimes, hope sucks.
Sometimes it feels like a trick that your heart is playing on you. It feels like a “nana-nana-boo-boo” when your head is telling you to accept impending fate. When destiny is in front of you, hope sings songs of other outcomes and other possibilities that can never be. It often makes accepting the path you must walk down even more bitter. Hope comes to try and ease inevitability but all it does is make the truth harder to swallow. Hope feels like a rock in your stomach. Hope can really suck.
Life is messy. Sometimes I like it that way. It’s why I’m “Messy Meg.” I love the adventure. I love taking risks. I love hard work especially when I can see that my work means something and that I’m going somewhere.
But sometimes, it seems like I’m going nowhere. Nowhere good, at least. Sometimes the future seems so dark. Sometimes the risks and the adventure take their toll. I’ve lived with much hope. I have always carried a spirit of hope. I have always been faithful that things would get better and would always work out.
But sometimes, you realize that things might not actually get better. Not in the way you hoped, at least. Sometimes you look into the future and it seems like all of the good is tainted by the things that are bad. And you know you HAVE to keep going forward but it feels like you have to be dragged. You crawl toward the future slowly, trying to postpone reality. And hope is still sitting there like the rock in your stomach holding you down. Sometimes the future is more scary than it is intriguing. Sometimes hope has to die. And then what?
Strength. Strength happens. Sometimes hope has to die so that you can be reborn. Something new sparks inside of you and as the flame grows, you rise and fight. You stop crawling and you get up and march right into the darkness with a new sense of purpose, a bigger heart, more power, and with eyes wide open. Because you have to. You have to move forward so why do it any other way? I’m not going to cower. I’m not going to crawl. I’m going to get up and march right into it because the future is not yet determined.
I will prevail. No one and nothing can steal my joy.
Don’t let anyone or anything steal your joy. No one and nothing is worth that cost. It is a thousand times more powerful than happiness. Joy is not an emotion. Joy is a state of being. It’s a way of life.
Sometimes hope has to die so that you can have joy again. This is life… and it’s a beautiful mess.
“When you are joyous, look deep into your heart and you shall find it is only that which has given you sorrow that is giving you joy. When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight.”
~Khalil Gibran
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